Day 15: CHEAT FREE & PROUD

Feeling SO good!

Feeling SO good!

Well, well, well…I made it to day 15 CHEAT FREE. 15 days may not seem like much, but if you know my background, this is a big deal for me.

A little over three years ago, I was 215 pounds. On top of that, I was depressed, I was addicted to food and I really didn’t like anything about myself. Being bloated and exhausted was how I felt all the time, I didn’t know anything else. Every move and every thought was controlled by food. I wouldn’t leave the house without food, I couldn’t make it to a destination without a detour through the McDonald’s drive thru and I couldn’t go a day without binging on junk food. A venti Frappuccino with a breakfast sandwich and an apple fritter was my breakfast. I would be too embarrassed to order two breakfast sandwiches, so I would go to a different starbucks for another. I would bring snacks to work like Cheetos or crackers and dip just to make it to lunch. I went out to lunch daily and the Red Robin near work knew that I wanted a bacon cheeseburger with extra fries, tartar sauce, honey mustard and a diet coke. As if that wasn’t enough, I would then stop by the store before heading back to work for some candy and chips. The rest of the day would be spent thinking about food – what was next. On my way home from work, I would head to the grocery store for some wine, chips, frozen spinach dip and usually a frozen snack like chicken nuggets or fries. When I would get to my car, I would call in Thai food to pick up on my way home. Yep – all that stuff I bought at the store would be for after I ate my Thai food.

So. Freaking. Ridiculous. I had no time to workout because any time I was home, I was eating. Eating literally all night until I went to bed. It was sick – I was sick. I know saying I have a food addiction seems dramatic – but, I am most definitely a food addict. My life was controlled by food. I would actually get upset when I felt full because my mind was still telling me to eat, even though my body had enough.

Throughout my journey, I have always allowed myself cheat meals. If I am completely honest, cheat meals taste incredible – but they FUEL my food addiction. I don’t think I will ever NOT be a food addict. It will always be there. Most days I win, but I still have days where I lose. Cheat meals to a food addict are like giving an alcoholic just one drink. Sometimes I can do it and keep that cheat meal at just one meal. Most of the time however, that cheat meal turns into a binge weekend where I undo ALL of the hard work I put in during the week. There is nothing more painful than waking up on Monday morning beating yourself up for going off track. I have gone off track more times than I can count and every time I do it – I ask myself – was that cheat meal really work it? There has never been a time where I say yes. No meal is worth feeling guilty over.

Before I get the rude comments about how cheat meals are healthy – please remember where I come from. There is nothing wrong with ONE cheat meal. But, when a cheat meal causes you to spiral out of control for a day, a weekend or even a week – then you may want to rethink them.

My goal after having Ben was to be 140 before I get pregnant with baby #2. I started my last pregnancy at 165 pounds. Now, being 15 months postpartum, I am kicking myself for not being more strict sooner. I am 6 pounds away from my goal – but those last pounds are the toughest to get off. It is never too late to turn things around and buckle down. So that is exactly what I am doing.

This is why I am proud of my 15 days completely cheat free. I have measured every single thing I have ate. I have pushed myself so hard in every workout – lifting the most I can during each workout, doing every single rep and giving it my all. This month, I have watched most of my challenge group have cheat meals – something that is completely fine. I caught myself seeing others having a glass of wine or eating a Christmas cookie or two – and thinking, well, if they are doing it, it would probably be ok if I do too. It is so easy to see others making progress and still allowing cheats, and to think that I can do that too. This time, I didn’t use that as an excuse. Just because others do something, doesn’t mean I have to as well. I know that one glass of wine usually turns into a binge on junk food. I know that one cookie would turn into a whole plate. I know ME! This is my food addiction just trying to lure me in!

NO! NO! NO!!!!

Not this time. If I am going to go off my meal plan, it is going to be on Christmas. Not on a weekend where I am just lounging at home. Even on Christmas, I am going to do everything in my power to not go off plan. I don’t kill myself in my workouts just to trash my body with food and alcohol. Plus, I want to prove to myself that I can stay on track during the most tempting time of the year. I will never conquer this food addiction if I am constantly fueling it each weekend.

So, there you go. 15 days cheat free. 15 days cheese free. I feel on top of the world. My body is bloated thanks to that time of the month, but even at my most bloated, I STILL feel awesome. No matter what the scale says right now, it cannot take away how proud I feel. I battled some cravings this weekend and right now, I am thanking myself for stay strong. It WAS worth it.

This week is a little different because I am only going to the office two days this week, then working from home one day and then I am off work for about a week and a half. Being off work is going to be like a massively long, tempting, weekend. I have to really plan ahead and get my mind in the right place so I can come off of my break being on track and feeling good.

This week, I am having the same breakfast and lunch that I have been having, then switching up my dinners with turkey tacos.

Here is to an incredible week and seeing ABS once this bloat goes away! YAY!

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Having tea on my Saturday night rather than the wine I wanted

Having tea on my Saturday night rather than the wine I wanted

Sunday's workout - Hammer Conditioning

Sunday's workout - Hammer Conditioning

Sunday's lunch

Sunday's lunch

Sunday's dinner

Sunday's dinner

Friday's burger and fries! All clean and meal plan approved!

Friday's burger and fries! All clean and meal plan approved!

Monday's workout - Hammer Total Body

Monday's workout - Hammer Total Body